Drunk, texting and driving at The Chateau Marmont. Awesome cliche, Amanda.
Recently, Amanda Bynes has decided to grab life by the steering wheel and enjoy her own personal live-action game of bumper cars. At least, that's the only plausible explanation I can conjure up as to why she has been involved in FIVE hit-and-run car accidents in recent months. I also toyed with the idea that she has found herself temporarily blind without realizing it, or that she's decided to attempt the Lindsay Lohan method of throwing herself back into the limelight.
After all, other than her bizarre tweets, odd appearance, and underwhelming role alongside Emma Stone in Easy A, Amanda Bynes has more or less dropped off the media's radar since she appeared in the 2007 remake of John Waters'Hairspray. It was also around this time that she seemed to be taking her Hairspray character a little bit too seriously. Amanda portrayed the updated version of Penny Pingleton, the naive daughter of a straight-laced, racist, religious zealot of a mother who rebels by dating a black guy. Around the time that the film was released and being promoted, Amanda's increasingly eccentric tweets began to touch on the fact that she recently discovered that she actually prefers "chocolate" over "vanilla". And I don't think I need to tell you that she wasn't talking about her Ben And Jerry's preference. Amanda even went so far as to tweet a quote taken directly from a scene in Hairspray when Penny lays a huge kiss on her new boyfriend on live television, looks directly into the camera and proclaims, "I am now a checkerboard chick!" Oh, honey. This isn't 1960's Baltimore. Take a seat.
Eventually, as all the dots were connected, it came out that the "chocolate" man in question was a hip-hop artist by the name of Scott Mescudi, better known as KiD CuDi who had recently been dipping his toe into this pool of crazy. He even made mention of Amanda on his track 'Cudderisback' where he raps:
Wanna get up in my mind / Wanna know about me and Amanda Bynes (Amanda please) / Wanna know really, really, really who I'm datin' / Is she civilian or super duper famous?
He also seemed to realize what he was getting himself into shortly after his business was broadcast across twitter for the world to see, and took a few steps back. Okay, maybe a few miles. Good move, Scott. Run.
I guess it's safe to assume that Amanda kept to herself and decided to quietly drown her sorrows in ice cream (vanilla..?) from this humiliating public heartbreak, because there wasn't much to be reported about when it came to her after that. Until April of this year, when the TMZ gods graced us with this gem:
Ah yes, the lilac-haired ingenue lookin' a supremely hot mess in her very first mugshot. Not particularly shocking considering TMZ posted this video only weeks beforehand:
Honestly, if the guys from TMZ are willing to sacrifice a story in order to tell you that you're too drunk to drive -- you are too fucking drunk to drive.
Naturally, Amanda didn't spend too long in jail because that's what happens when your name is recognizable in Hollywood, and your bank account always has enough money in it to bail your ass out of trouble. But at least she learned her lesson, right? Of course not.
Since that fateful night in April, Amanda Bynes has reportedly been in three additional hit-and-run accidents. Her second was only days later! Each was reported on, but nobody ever seemed to care enough to press charges. True to form, Amanda took to her twitter account to clear up the "rumors" going so far as to tweet at the President.
I don't even have anything witty to say about this because I think it more than speaks for itself.
But as with all great tales of celebrity trainwrecks, something's gotta give. After Amanda rear-ended yet another car just last week, and fled the scene, police finally decided against letting her continue to cruise around in her Range Rover, slamming into other innocent motorists and suspended her license. She has also been formally charged with misdemeanor hit-and-runs and will face up to a year in jail.
So what have we learned here today? Besides the fact that you can't flee the scene of a crime with a recognizable face..
Kidding aside, Amanda Bynes is still denying that these incidents occurred, and also says that she doesn't drink. If she is actually convinced herself that she's telling the truth, then there is a much bigger problem at hand. So I'd like to say this, Amanda to Amanda: Take a breather. Maybe rework your twitter game. Experiment with some new ice cream flavors. Maybe a TV role? You used to be so funny! But it comes down to this, girl, you have a drinking problem. And you need to address that. And also maybe get your ass a town car with a driver.
DivaJulia is a nutty, sarcastic, yet overly-sensitive former model-turned-photographer and writer. She's also the Managing Editor of Dipped in Cream.
Brittani (Contributing Editor) is a 20-something North Carolina native and aspiring writer traveling through life with a martini in one hand and a remote control in the other.
David E. (Contributing Writer) is a laid-back father and proud California resident who loves movies, sports and whatever else manages to pique his curiosity.
Amanda Rae (Contributing Writer) is an outspoken millennial from New Jersey whose friends are tired of listening to her wax poetic about the Kardashians, so she's gonna do it for Dipped in Cream!
Kia K (Contributing Writer) was Brooklyn born and bred before a series of unfortunate events landed her in a colorful, lawless swamp. A gossip monger from the cradle, she is willing to read it, watch it and say it, so you don't have to.
Ana (Contributing Writer) is 29-year-old Miami, Floridian; Psychology student, accidental hipster, lifetime Batman fangirl, part-time parkour enthusiast, and full-time Internet whore.
Tiffany (Contributing Writer) is a yummy mummy living in Seattle who scouts Gamers for Microsoft by day and looking for the next band to fall in love with by night. She loves horror movies, and subscribes to both Vogue and Scientific American. Things will no doubt get weird. Buckle up!