Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise Reach An Agreement In Divorce Already

Creepy Tom Cruise

Katie Holmes now has my undying respect for having beaten Tom Cruise and those creepy Scientologists at their own game--if only she could talk about it, but I realize that wouldn't be in Suri's best interest.  Can't you just hear those Scientolo-loons telling Tommy Girl to "MAKE THIS GO AWAY!" ? Oh, David Miscavige.

via People.com

Holmes's attorney Jonathan Wolfe confirmed the deal in a statement to PEOPLE:

"The case has been settled and the agreement has been signed. We are thrilled for Katie and her family and are excited to watch as she embarks on the next chapter of her life.

"This result could not have been achieved without the hard work of my partner Gary Skoloff and our co-counsel Allan Mayefsky, Michael Mosberg and Larry Trachtenberg of Aronson Mayefsky and Sloan and Peter Walzer and Chris Melcher of Walzer & Melcher in California.

"We thank Tom's counsel for their professionalism and diligence that helped bring about this speedy resolution."

Cruise's attorney Dennis Wasser separately told PEOPLE, "All the lawyers and the parties are happy that it's done, the deal was closed and we wish everyone well."

Tom and Katie issued this little  fluffy statement, which sort of alludes to different "beliefs" between the couple (well, DURRRP).

Katie and Suri in NYC

"We are committed to working together as parents to accomplish what is in our daughter Suri's best interests. We want to keep matters affecting our family private and express our respect for each other's commitment to each of our respective beliefs and support each other's roles as parents," says the statement from Holmes and Cruise's reps, Nanci Ryder and Amanda Lundberg respectively.

We will never know what Katie has on Tom in order to get this dissolution matter settled so quickly...but we sure can assume and allege, can't we?

One more thing, I am biting my tongue til it's bloody over that photo of Katie and Stinkfoot Suri.  Lord knows any other time,  I'd be all OVER the fact that Katie continues to carry that six-year old girl like a newborn baby.  In all seriousness, blood is dripping down my chin; you don't even KNOW.  Maybe Katie's worried about the Scientology goons (who are ALLEGEDLY following her every move) will drive up in their infamous SUVs and kidnap her daughter.  Stranger things have happened, right?  I suggest you follow The Village Voice's in-depth stories about this horrifiying monstrosity called a "church".