Lindsay Calls The Kettle Black (Read: Dina’s A Thieving Coke Addict)

Hot. MESSES.

Through drunken yelling and garbled by tears, Lindsay rehashes her altercation with her mother to an exasperated father Michael, addressing the fact that she has lent Dina $40k to save her house from foreclosure and that her mother has been calling her names all night, with the fiasco even escalating to physical blows, resulting in Lindsay receiving a gash on her leg and causing damage to her property -- a diamond bracelet.  A diamond bracelet that Michael seems extremely invested in, I might add.

At one point, a distraught Lohan yells "Dad, she's on cocaine, she's like touching her neck and shit."

Now, as someone who does not fancy themselves a cocaine user, I'm not sure if "touching your neck and shit" is a standard side effect, or enough of a sign to decipher if someone is actually on cocaine, but I do know that this was quite obviously the quote that the media was gonna latch onto and run with. Particularly after Dina Lohan's disastrous Dr. Phil interview a few weeks ago where she showed up and went on air visibly under the influence of some substance or another, momentarily taking the spotlight off of her train wreck of a daughter.

Putting aside the fact that this entire family is clearly dramatic, batshit insane, and has no problem opening airing all of their dirty laundry in public, I think it's fair to say that this entire situation was fueled horribly by Michael Lohan. It seems as thought the Lohan patriarch took it upon himself to stir the shit after receiving a phone call from his already riled up and clearly intoxicated daughter, by just egging her on and telling her repeatedly how horrible a person her mother is.

Which, don't get me wrong -- it appears to (ALLEGEDLY!) absolutely true. Dina Lohan does appear to be a pretty terrible human being. The thing is, I've had arguments like this with my own mother. That said, my mother doesn't drink, use recreational drugs OR come partying with me. But yes, we've said a lot of horrible shit to one another that neither of us meant, and then have completely forgotten about it the next day. Which, I assume rings true in this whole Lindsay and Dina situation, as well, because just this afternoon pictures surfaced of the duo hugging it out at Dina's house in Long Island.

Of course, not before the recording managed to make it's way through the media circuit, accompanied by assorted Michael Lohan comments such as, "Dina is crazy and out of her mind. Both Dina and Lindsay need help."

All's well that ends well, I suppose. Luckily for the rest of us, we don't have anyone documenting our drunken escapades and selling them to the tabloids. Particularly our fathers.

Late Wednesday, in true Lindsay fashion, the actress posted a tweet (while readying herself to fly back to Los Angeles on someone's private plane?) endorsing something or other, punctuated by a "miss u" to her sister and mother. Which sounds like something I would do, completely over it and resolved, after calling my mother the devil not 24 hours before.

Unless she broke my diamond bracelet. Because then, forget that bitch.