Considering that the first GI Joe movie, Rise of Cobra was widely panned by critics I was a little surprised when I found out last year that there was going to be a sequel. For the record I actually enjoyed the first one for what it was, a mindless popcorn action flick with the Hasbro toy stamp on it. So when I went into the theater for Retaliation I was not expecting much more than what I got the first time around.
In Retaliation, years have passed since the ending of the first movie where Cobra Commander and Destro were captured, fabled evil ninja Storm Shadow was presumed dead, and Zartan disguised as the President took office. Duke (Channing Tatum) now runs the Joes with Roadblock (The Rock) as his 2nd in command. Along with Flint (DJ Cotrona) and Lady Jaye (Adrianne Palicki) the Joes have become the go to covert military option for the White House.
Everything goes to hell when the Joes are tasked to recover missing nuclear warheads by the fake president, and after successfully retrieving them he orders that the Joes base of operations be wiped out. Thankfully for Uhmerika and the rest of the world Roadblock, Flint and Lady Jaye survive the attack, are left to figure out why the attack happened and who's behind it all.
So, um yeah, retro spoiler alert, Channing Tatum is killed off in the first 20 mins of the movie and it was the right call. The Rock is SOOOO much more of a screen presence than Tatutm, and after his death The Rock takes control of the Joes and the movie almost instantly. In terms of actor performances other than The Rock the only other person who seems to be doing any real "acting" is Jonathan Pryce who plays the President and Zartan disguised as the President. Seriously, all the other characters in the movie are one note archetypes. Lady Jaye is the hot girl trying to prove something to her male counterparts and Flint is the brash male eye candy meant to compensate for Tatum's absence.
The movie attempts to give us story lines for each of the characters, but they aren't at all fleshed out or developed. The age old martial arts honor vs. dishonor plot line surrounding Snake Eyes (Ray Park), Storm Shadow (Byung-Hun Lee), Jinx (Elodie Yung) and The Rza (Yes thatss not a typo, The Rza makes an appearance here) seems very much out of place in this more realistic less cartoonish army movie but does provide you with the pretense to have the pretty good mountain climbing fight scene you see in the trailers.
The movie certainly improves on past mistakes though when it excludes Destro almost entirely from the plot and gives Cobra Commander a much needed make over from the first movie but I have to say that not having Sienna Miller bask as the Baroness was a BIG let down for me. Adrianne Palicki is quite the hottie in this movie but she doesn't hold a candle to Miller's leather clad Baroness. Just my opinion. Bruce Willis's appearance as General Joe Colton (The original GI Joe) is a great nod to the comic book and TV show fans but he's phoning it in here as well and is not very interesting.
As I mentioned at the outset of my review Rise of Cobra was light-hearted, over the top mindless fun. Retaliation, however, is just mindless and over the top. The lightheartedness is stripped away from the movie, except for Tatum's early performance and the scene where Jonathan Pryce bags on North Korea. In essence, Retaliation is a PG-13 war movie with The Rock waving Hasbro's flag in it and despite his performance it's not as entertaining to me as the first one was.
And to make me even more disappointed I saw it in 3-D and was not impressed at all on that front either. Die hard Joe fans will enjoy the nods to the comics and TV show but other than them wait for this to come out on DVD or Blu-Ray and rent it. And while you wait for it to come out on those formats, go watch Rise of Cobra and see it done better.
Oh, and despite all of this, G.I. Joe: Retaliation earned a staggering $41.2 million for a #1 debut at the box office this weekend.
Written by: David E.
You're probably asking yourself, "Wait, didn't this movie just come out?"
No, that was the even more clumsily titled 'Olympus Has Fallen.' THIS is 'White House Down' which when I first heard about the movie over a year ago I thought it would be a comedy. I mean Jamie Foxx and Channing Tatum hanging out in the White House, pure hilarity, right? Here's the real plot:
While on a tour of the White House with his young daughter, a police officer (Channy) springs into action to protect his child and the President (Foxx) from a heavily armed group of paramilitary invaders.
Seeing as how White House tours were cut off because of the Sequester, this doesn't seem so likely. Directed by Roland Emmerich, the film also stars Maggie Gyllenhaal, Jake Weber and James Woods as a secret service agents, Joey King as Tatum's daughter and Garcelle Beauvais as the First Lady. I wonder if she gets offed like the FLOTUS Ashley Judd plays in 'Olympus'? Whoops, spoiler!
'White House Down' will be in theaters on June 28, 2013.
Written by: Brittani
NOTE FROM TRENT:
Nine Inch Nails are touring this year.
I was working with Adrian Belew on some musical ideas, which led to some discussion on performing, which led to some beard-scratching, which (many steps later) led to the decision to re-think the idea of what Nine Inch Nails could be, and the idea of playing a show. Calls were made to some friends, lots of new ideas were discussed, and a show was booked - which led to another, which somehow led to a lot of shows.
The band is reinventing itself from scratch and will be comprised of Eric Avery, Adrian Belew, Alessandro Cortini, Josh Eustis, Ilan Rubin, and me. The first shows will begin this summer, followed by a full-on arena tour of the US this fall, and lots of other dates worldwide to follow through 2014.
Lots of details and dates to come. See you soon.
I'll wait for the screams to die down.
Okay. I KNOW, RIGHT??? We've also got How to Destroy Angels (Trent's project with his wife Mariqueen Maandig and longtime collaborators Rob Sheridan and Atticus Ross,) releasing their debut album Welcome Oblivion March 5th.
all of us aren't that into HTDA 'round these parts, but we'll give a shout-out anyway. Our disdain stems from a rather One Direction-y fangirl attitude that Trent was saving himself for US. Hush up.) Ew.
Seriously though? Look. At. Trent. He has GREYHOUNDS. He's so cuuute.
DivaJulia and Brittani ARE "Sara and Susie".
Written by: Diva Julia
So we found out last week through a leak that Channing Tatum would be crowned People magazine's "The Sexiest Man Alive." I personally have no problem with that, but I've heard Channy called everything from "potato face" to "completely undeserving," so there are a lot of feelings involved here. The Ryan Gosling stans are still mad, and maybe rightfully so, but there are many other men that made this year's list.
'The Voice' coach Blake Shelton makes the cut this year. His wife Miranda Lambert calls him "very caring and loyal", which is pretty sexy to me.
Sadly, 'Thor' star Chris Hemsworth isn't shirtless here. His career has been blowing up lately, but we might skip the remake of 'Red Dawn,' even though he looks pretty hot in it.
Richard Gere is the oldest guy on the list, and a former "Sexiest Man Alive."
The second oldest, Denzel Washington has also held the title. I hope some of the younger guys on this list age as well as they do.
Not many people had heard of Oscar Pistorius before the 2012 Summer Olympics, but he caught our eye even if maybe I spent more time drooling over some other Olympians.
Can you believe that Paul Rudd is 43?! Seems like just yesterday we were being jealous that Cher Horowitz got to make out with her ex-step bro on that staircase.
Written by: Brittani
After delighting many by quickly killing off Gwyneth Paltrow in Contagion, Steven Soderbergh is back. Side Effects has a creepy, purposefully vague trailer that left me eager to see more.
Starring the sexiest man alive Channing Tatum and The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo's Rooney Mara,
the sneak peek begins with the lives of a charmed young couple. On a boat, attending lavish parties, the happiness abruptly when someone is murdered and Wifey starts downing pills by the handful.
Jude Law and Catherine Zeta Jones are either responsible for the misery or the saviors of the day.
Soderbergh's current wife is E News personality Jules Asner. Who knew while watching her in the 90's that Asner would be the equivalent of Walter Cronkite when compared to Giuliana Rancic? The couple separated a couple of years ago, during which time Soderbergh fathered a child with another woman...which is relevant to absolutely nothing, which is what make me a gossip-monger to the nth power!
Side Effects will be released February 8, 2013.
Written by: Kia K.