Taylor Momsen, Please Put Some Clothes On

Yes. She's 17 years old.

I only caught the last minute or so of this performance last night on The Late Show With David Letterman. That was one minute I'll never get back. Not that I was going to do anything important with it, eat a sandwich maybe. Anyway, I'm here to torture you with this now. I haven't bothered to listen to The Pretty Reckless, because I can't bother to take Taylor Momsen seriously as some sort of rock goddess.

Miss Momsen annoys me enough as Jenny Humphrey on Gossip Girl, so hearing her trying to moan and groan out these wretched lyrics like she's a cat in heat just makes my head hurt. Not to mention the fact that she has a serious case of I Need to STFU-- combined with the hooker heels, the lingerie as day-wear, and talking about how her vibrator is her best friend. (That bit of information got her into a feud with The Pig Who Shall Not be Named, and I couldn't take sides on the issue because they're both incredibly ridiculous.)  I assume Taylor writes all of her undoubtedly terrible lyrics, and she also plays guitar--which is commendable, but if she wasn't trying so hard to be edgy and provocative, it might actually mean something.

You know Dave has a thing for the ladies, and I wonder what he was thinking walking up to her after they finished performing. Maybe it was something like, "child, put some clothes on."   He seemed totally uncomfortable, didn't he?  Seriously, why are her parents letting her walk out of the house looking like this?  I'm not prude, we all know that, but she's basically wearing underwear out on the streets. Where are they selling these My Little Hooker playsets?  And who does she think the audience is for this mess?  Girls who are just now discovering The Runaways because their favorite fidgety vampire meal played Joan Jett in the movie?

"My Little Hooker"! Photo: contactmusic.com

Taylor?  I'm sure you have taken many pages from the Dirty Blonde Rocker Chick Handbook, but unless you can go full dirty like Courtney Love, get a new shtick.

Yeah. Looking crabby is SO edgy and badass. (SNORT)

So here's Tay (Little T?) with her band outside of the Ed Sullivan Theater. Don't they look like a happy bunch! What went wrong in these dudes lives that they ended up being the backing band for a human raccoon that once starred in a movie based on a Dr. Seuss book?

As if New York needed the smell of desperation wafting in the air.