Oh for the love of plastic surgery and vanity... Photo: Demi Moore's Stupid Twitter Acccount

I know. Two embarrassing Demi Moore posts in as many days.   Methinks someone is trying too hard.  Is there any reason a 47-year old woman would plaster pictures of herself in a bikini (I'm assuming it's not underwear) taken just like every attention seeking 15-year old 9th grader?  IN THE MIRROR?  With her PHONE?

We all post pictures of ourselves whether they are from our vacation in Hawaii (never been there) or our high school reunion (been there), or of us holding our grandchild (Lord knows I'm 100% guilty of that), but seriously, Demi.  First with the utterly mortifying dance moves onstage with Snoop the other night (Elaine Benes from Seinfeld dances better with her "little kicks"), and now this?  Good Lawd, woman.  Put on some clothes and take care of your daughters.  Nice effing example, by the way.

Dumbass.

Related posts:

1. Demi Moore skipped The Golden Globes due to “a bad hair day”? I don’t buy it.
2. Demi Moore gives the Pink Pig a verbal ass-kicking…GOOD for her!
3. Demi Moore is a big, fat, cross-eyed, OLD liar.

I'm cringing, just so you know.

I can't.  I just can't.  My embarrassment threshold isn't strong enough to simply shrug off these photos of Mile and Justin at his concert at Madison Square Garden.  The backwards baseball hat?  It's  TOO BIG!  Justin, you can order baseball hats in toddler size--no one will know.

And Miley.  Jaaayzus.

Where's Chris Hansen from "To Catch a Predator"?

Ali Lohan

Miley is in the same car-pool with Ali Lohan...the slutty-looking, overly tanned 47 -year old cocktail waitresses who enjoy the "sweet tea".  That's code for something gross, I'm sure...and I don't wanna talk about it anymore.  I'm confused.  And troubled.

Hey--both these chicks are 17.  The other one is 16.  Heh.

Related posts:

1. Justin Bieber ignores doctor’s orders – still wants to play Madison Square Garden
2. Miley Cyrus Performs at G.A.Y. in London (Pictures)
3. Justin Bieber and Kim Kardashian in Elle Magazine (PICTURES!)

Baby Justin

So the "Baby" went to the pediatrician because he was sick-sick.  The Baby's doctor gave him a sticker but told him to stay in his playpen and rest...but nooooo.    Justy wants to go to that big indoor playground where the tall men play with that big orange ball!

I understand Baby Bieber will be playing "in the round"...

Wow. Check out Bieber's stage at Madison Square Garden. Sweet.

"Baby" Justin. (See what I just did?)

via: Starpulse.com

Justin Bieber is refusing to let his ongoing health woes wreck his big night at Madison Square Garden in New York on Monday.

The pop star felt too sick to hit the stage at the New York State Fair in Syracuse on Sunday night and was forced to reschedule the show.

He had hoped that the night off would secure him a medical all-clear on Monday, and he has has informed fans via Twitter.com that the show must go on.

In a tweet to followers, the Baby singer writes, "Ok the doctor said we aren't 100 percent but we are ready to ROcK (sic)!! Been cleared. MSG let's do this!!! Let's fill the streets of NYC!"

Bieber has been dogged by poor health since the beginning of the month, when he was taken ill at a show in Florida."

Okay. I'm done.

Related posts:

1. Another Justin Bieber losing his voice post?
2. Justin Bieber and Kim Kardashian in Elle Magazine (PICTURES!)
3. Justin Bieber gets sprayed on TV in New Zealand

Whooo-Hooooo!!

OhforpitySAKE.  Sounds as though Lindsay will be skipping out of her 90-day court-ordered drug rehab at the UCLA Medical Center today or tomorrow.  Seems she doesn't "need more than 30 days" of rehab, according to the new judge handling the case. Oh. Okaaaay...23 Days is The New 90-Day Rehab!

Oh, Lindsay.

via TMZ:

Lindsay was released after 23 days at the Hospital.  Lindsay will receive outpatient care for the foreseeable future.

We're told the doctors at UCLA were very clear with Judge Elden Fox ... they felt Lindsay should be released from the facility immediately, and the judge saw it their way.

Judge Marsha Revel had previously ordered Lindsay to spend 90 days at UCLA.
A court hearing is scheduled tomorrow, although we've learned Lindsay will not be there."

Durrrr....of course Lindsay won't be there.  And as for her "out-patient rehab"?  I'll believe it when I see it.  Does rehab usually start at 11:00 in the p.m.?  She might be able to swing by on her way to Voyeur.

So, just in case you're entirely familiar with Lindsay's arrest record, I have it for you to study. Enjoy!

Lindsay - one week from now?

June 2010 - Lindsay Lohan's SCRAM device was apparently set off while attending a 2010 MTV Movie Awards after party. Superior Court Judge Marsha Revel found Lindsay to be in violation of the original agreement and issued a warrant for her arrest and upped the bail to $200,000. The bond was quickly posted and the warrant was removed. The troubled starlet denied any wrongdoing and even posted a bunch of Tweets in her own defense. Lindsay is still expected in court on July 6.

May 2010 - Lindsay was issued a temporary passport and when she returned home at the end of May, a judge mandated that she wear a SCRAM device (court issued alcohol monitoring device) on her ankle. Lindsay was forbidden from consuming alcohol and scheduled to appear in court on July 6.

May 2010 - When she failed to appear at a court hearing, a bench warrant was issued for Lindsay's arrest. She was partying it up at the Cannes Film Festival in France, claiming to be stuck there with her passport stolen. As quickly as it was issued, the warrant was withdrawn after her people posted the $100,000 bond.

LINDSAY LOHAN RUMORED CRIMINAL RECORD FOR 2008 and 2009

June 2009 - Rumors swirled that Lindsay allegedly stole $400,000 worth of Dior jewelry. She posed for Elle U.K. on June 6 and it was discovered that jewels from the photo shoot were missing. Two days later, reps from the studio went to the police and reported a pair of diamond earrings and a necklace stolen. Coincidentally, it was the same set that Lindsay wore in the photos. No charges were ever filed in the case.

January 2008 - Rumor had it that Lindsay allegedly stole an $11,000 fur coat from Masha Markova while attending a private party at 1 Oak in NYC. After several back and forth phone calls, the coat was mysteriously returned to the rightful owner without charges being filed.

LINDSAY LOHAN CRIMINAL RECORD FOR 2007

November 2007 - Lindsay is convicted and sentenced to one day in jail, 10 days community service, three years probation, and an 18-month alcohol education program. She goes on to serve exactly 84 minutes behind bars.

August 2007 - Lindsay checks into rehab and heads to Cirque Lodge in Utah.

July 2007 - Just 10 days after leaving rehab, Lindsay is arrested again for DUI and driving on a suspended license. She is found with cocaine in her pockets and tries to convince cops that the pants weren't hers.

July 2007 - Lindsay completes 45 days of residential rehab treatment at Promises. After checking out, she wears an alcohol monitoring bracelet.

May 2007 - Lindsay is arrested for DUI and cops find cocaine in her possession.

So let this be a lesson to all of you non-celebrities.  THIS KIND OF LEGAL TREATMENT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU.  (In your gotdamn dreams.)

Related posts:

1. Lindsay Lohan – Sentenced to 90 days in JAIL.
2. Lindsay Lohan Has a Warrant for Her Arrest? $100,000 Bail-a-whaaa?
3. Lindsay Lohan “lost” her passport in Cannes. Oh. Uh huh.

JLo's millions of dollars worth of diamonds via: JLo's Stupid TwitPic

So, JLo got wind of the fact that WE got wind of her demands special requests from FOX and the American Idol execs and thought she'd be "funny" (read: SUPER UN-FUNNY) addressing the whole deal.

JLo went directly to Twitter to "joke" about the sitch with this gem: , 'Hmmm... what should I wear today?', while attaching a TwitPic of her diamonds, cosmetics cases, feathered hats,  bbq sauce in a 24 kt. gold tureen for her special self-tanner, as well as the tub of lard that she uses as a sitz bath in to maintain the size of that ass.  (Maybe the last two items weren't in that TwitPic...I can't be sure.)

Well done, JLo. Pssssh.

Yeah.  Smart move.  All the the plebeians (read: ME) out there just love having JLo's over-indulged ass shoved in our faces.  Gyaaaah.  Idiot.  Clearly, she doesn't GET that flaunting one's wealth isn't all that funny.

Se siente mejor, Jennifer?  (Have Skeletor translate that for you, Mami.)

Related posts:

1. American Idol – Idol Gives Back; Which Contestant Went Home?
2. I’m THRILLED with the American Idol Eliminations for April 14, 2010 – SPOILER ALERT
3. Paula Abdul will NOT be returning to "American Idol"

Naomi Campbell--being INCONVENIENCED in Court

Supermodel Naomi Campbell was called to testify at the World Crime Tribunal yesterday in the Hague.

Arriving late and looking annoyed (if a bit nervous too), Campbell took the stand to recount an evening in 1997 when she was allegedly given so-called "blood diamonds" by then-Liberian President Charles Taylor.

According to the LA Times:

Prosecutors say the gems offer proof that Taylor engaged in the trade of illegally mined "conflict diamonds" to help arm rebels in neighboring Sierra Leone's decade-long civil war. Thousands of civilians were killed or mutilated during the fighting. Taylor stands accused of crimes against humanity before a tribunal in The Hague.

Blood Diamond...

Taylor was arrested in Nigeria in 2006. His crimes -including those he willingly funded -would make your head spin. Murder, torture, maiming, rape, enslavement, the conscription of child soldiers... these are just some of the things people in Liberia and Sierra Leone have to live with, thanks to Mr. Taylor. The sight of people missing hands, arms, legs, and feet, begging in the streets, is still common. Many can't work, and thus, can't support themselves or their families. Others struggle with addictions, mental illness, and a plethora of physical diseases.

Back in 1997, Naomi was attending a charity event in Pretoria, South Africa with then-President Nelson Mandela. She says she was awakened later in the night by men who delivered a pouch of what she termed "very small, very dirty stones" and had no idea who they were from. She claims to have given them away to Jeremy Ratcliffe, who was then connected with Mandela's charity, but the charity denies they ever received them (and, natch: a pouch of diamonds was recovered in his safe by police today).

Naomi testified she had no idea who gave her the stones (and didn't ask), though Mia Farrow, also present that night, told her they were most certainly from Charles Taylor. Mia will be testifying later on in the trial, and her version of events could be a bit different.

The supermodel, who has, in the past, supported Nelson Mandela, was a very reluctant witness. Her testimony wasn't voluntary; Ms. Mondo-Diva was handed a subpoena.

What struck me most about hearing this story was Naomi's opening line to the Court: "I was made to be here. So obviously, I'm just, like, wanting to get this over with and get on with my life. This is a big inconvenience for me." Really? Having no hands or arms (or feet, or legs) is an inconvenience, actually.

One of Charles Taylor's MANY victims...and NAOMI's "inconvenienced"??

I wish Naomi well and I understand her fears around the safety of her family in testifying, but I wish she'd stop pretending she cares for Africa. She admitted in her testimony that she hadn't even heard of Liberia when she met its President and (allegedly) accepted gifts from him. Um, wow.

The fashion world got a whole lot uglier for me yesterday. But in case it's important to you, All The Rage reports that Naomi wore "a cream-colored knit ensemble from Azzadine Alaia's spring-summer collection."  It is, I understand, the basic look for all smug supermodels who are inconvenienced by being forced to Do The  Right Thing.

Related posts:

1. WARNING: Naomi Campbell will cut you if you ask about The Blood Diamond.
2. Naomi Campbell Slugs a Limo Driver This Time
3. Victoria Beckham’s Posh New Hairdo, and Naomi Campbell is going BALD.

Fishburne is currently starring in CBS's CSI series.

Fishburne as "Morpheus" from the Matrix Trilogy.

Wow.  What a crappy birthday present.  It's being reported all over the place that  actor Laurence Fishburne's daughter, Montana,  is making sex tapes as her vehicle to fame and fortune.  This is a family in dire need of family therapy...like, probably years ago.  Behavior like this doesn't just occur overnight.  What the HELL happened here?  I'm not sure I really need to know.  I just find it tragic that a young woman feels that making sex tapes (let's just call it PORN, shall we?) will help her on her way to obtain fame and money, a la` Kim Kardashian.

Thanks, Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, et al.

via TMZ:

TMZ has learned Montana Fishburne is starring in a porno flick for Vivid Entertainment -- explaining, "I've watched how successful Kim Kardashian became and I think a lot of it was due to the release of her sex tape." Unlike the celeb she admires -- Montana is not arguing that her tape was stolen or obtained illegally.  We're told the flick is set to be released in August.

Montana also talked to CarltonJordan.com about her new gig, saying "The first time is really nerve racking ... but, I have a lot of at-home experience."

Ummm.  Eww.  "At-home experience"?   Montana made probably one of the most horrible statements a parent ever wants to hear:

via NYPost.com

"I've watched how successful Kim Kardashian became and I think a lot of it was due to the release of her sex tape by Vivid," Fishburne said in the press release." I'm hoping the same magic will work for me. I'm impatient about getting well-known and having more opportunities and this seemed like a great way to get started on it."

Related posts:

1. Happy Birthday, Jonny Lang!
2. Happy Birthday, Jean Paul Gaultier!
3. Happy 21st Birthday, Rihanna.

Jaden (The Smug!) Smith

Willow (Baby, I'mma a ROCKSTAR) Smith. She's 9 years old, people.

I think I've made it clear in the past that I do not care for Jaden Smith.  He presents himself as a smug, spoiled brat, and I think his parents encourage his childish elitism.  Now we have little sister, Willow, who appears to think she's Rihanna.  And, why may I ask, is this little girl signing autographs in London?  Because she made a cameo in a movie one of her dad's films?

Here's the thing.  I did allow my son Hunter to "express himself" when he was in 5th and 6th grade.  We went through the bleached, spikey hair, black nailpolish, and even...wait for it...tiny butterfly clips.  Yeah.  I know.  Hunter got so much sh*t from every teacher--except his OWN teacher, the wonderful Mrs. Waterman, for wearing those clips.  So naturally, being the hot-head that I was (ahem), I had to make a stink about the other small-minded teachers who kept complaining about my kid's HAIR.  Say it with me:  "Ahhh, HELLLL NAAAWW!"  I gotta give it to the Principal, though.  She was great and agreed that the teachers who said Hunter's hair was "distracting" were full of crap, (my words) and being sexist, thus allowing him to do whatever he wanted with his hair.

Take a gander, won't you?  (Again.  Thank the Lawd that Hunter doesn't read Mama's blog...he'd kill me.)

Ahhh, yes. Hunter's 10th birthday party.

and...

Hunter as Billy Idol - HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

Hunter, age 12 1/2. What a difference 18 months made.

And...Hunter now.

So, I do believe in letting kids express themselves, apparently.  I just don't don't care for smug, bratty Hollywood kids as a rule.  (Clearly, the Jolie-Pitt clan are not included in this rant.  Just look at Chaz Shiloh!)

Jeez.  Leave to Dina Lohan Mama to turn this into a Hunter post.

Related posts:

1. I Loathe Will Smith’s Kid, Jaden. **WARNING** Kid Bashing Ahead.
2. I Can’t Find the Motivation to Talk About Celebrity Gossip.
3. Today’s Blind Item – Brat Edition

We GET it, Katie. You're a MOM! Put Stinkfoot DOWN already!

Oh forpitysake.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.  Katie Holmes has been cast and is working on a mini-series  about Jackie Kennedy-Onassis.  Honk shoooo.  The mini-series will be under scrutiny, both for Katie's wardrobe and whether or not she duplicate Jackie's odd manner of "whisper-speak".  Nothing else will matter.  (Aside from a really bad performance?)

What I'd really like to address, though,  the issue of FOUR YEAR OLD Suri, who wears high heels and red lipstick at times, but yet is carted about in the arms of her parents in the heat of summer, wrapped up in her one-time use Little Giraffe blankets at ALL TIMES.  I actually picture a giant-sized Kleenex box filled with these $90.00 blankets for each day's use.  Some are snowy white, some are baby pink...depending on Suri's demands.  Cray cray.  It's not as if Katie and Suri don't have a crap-load of  He Man bodyguards surrounding them, and lest we forget, Katie and Suri are clearly on set of this (possibly eye-rollingly bad) mini-series.

Spoiled Little Brat.

Related posts:

1. Katie and Suri. Sigh.
2. What the GOTdamnhell has happened to Katie Holmes? Oh. Wait. Nevermind.
3. Oh, Katie Holmes. (And Stinkfoot…)

Yep. Your every day nun.

Lindsay's Got A Gun...Photo: Trouble Maker Studios

Somehow, I don't think Lindsay will be promoting her cameo (let's face it--it's not a huge role) in Machete, director, Robert Rodriguez's latest "grindhouse" film.   This photo is reminiscent of Lindsay's photo shoot with Tyler Shields, wherein she had a gun to her mouth.

In case you blocked this photo from memory, let me give you a refresher course:

Photo: Tyler Shields

Lindsay certainly likes being photographed with guns.

I understand the the producers of "Inferno", the biopic film based on the life of 70's pornstar Linda Lovelace, are waiting for Lindsay to finish her jail sentence and rehab and will not replace Lindsay with another actress.  I'm going on the record to say making this film after drug and alcohol rehab and therapy is the worst possible thing she could attempt.

If you dare, here is a page of the "Inferno" script.  How on earth will this help Lindsay work through her own demons, by taking on a dead pornstar's demons on film?  I think it could kill her.  As a mother, I would try my level best to discourage my daughter from performing this kind of material...but my name isn't DINA LOHAN.

via Jezebel. *WARNING - This is NAST.*

This is plain icky.  Is it just me?

Related posts:

1. Lindsay Lohan as Linda Lovelace (Photos by Tyler Shields)
2. Lindsay Lohan Shot by Tyler Shields (video)
3. Lindsay Lohan denies getting lip injections. Hooker, please.