Happy Birthday, Barbie!

"Side-Eye Barbie!"

She's fantastic, and she's made of plastic! Barbara Millicent Roberts is celebrating her 54th birthday today, can you believe it? She doesn't look a day over 25, though the two face lifts she's had haven't hurt.

Though many believe Barbie to be a bad influence on young girls, I for one find her to be a great role model. Over the years she has held many jobs, including dolphin trainer and Olympic gymnast. She always takes care of of her family, which includes younger sister Skipper, and she has a rainbow coalition of friends. If she had her own show on HBO, it would be pretty diverse. Not to mention the fact that she's been pretty smart with the money she's made from her numerous jobs. She owns her own Dream House, a fleet of cars and can fly herself around in her private jet because she has a pilot's license. Barbie is a bad bitch, ok! I mean she supported Ken's bum ass for all those years. She knew his singing career was never really going anywhere.

Barbie is so loved, she has many people who spend big bucks collecting her many versions. Like the so-called "Barbie Man," 41-year old Stanley Colorite who has more than 2,000 Barbie dolls throughout his Florida home. He spends $30,000 a year adding to his collection. His partner Dennis Schlicker collects Ken dolls. (He has about 1,000!)

Needless to say, I'm jealous. I still wish I had the Barbies I grew up with, an unfortunate few ended up headless or partially melted from me throwing them in the microwave. Some of the things I write about on here make sense now, don't they? My old Barbies may be long gone, but I'll always have the memories of all the camping trips, breakups and occasional bank robberies (usually committed by my brother's action figures) that I made up with my Barbs and their playsets.

You've had a good 54 years, Barbie, and I hope you have many more. I wonder if she'll be having a cake of herself at her birthday party.