"When you watch interviews with or read articles about this actress, she likes to talk about how she stays slim and beautiful. Of course it’s all about her incredibly healthy lifestyle! She claims her body is the result of nutritious – preferably organic – foods, wholesome cleanses, and body-strengthening exercises.

So we wonder when she’s going to gives us the scoop on some of her lesser-known beauty tricks:  Plastic surgery (tummy tuck, lower face lift, botox); the consumption of fast-food bean burritos (she left seven wrappers in the back of a hired car); the cleansing effects of bulimia (she has a favorite toothbrush for that); and bone-thinning that would rival that of 90-year-old women."

Hmmmmm....

Oh. My. Gyaaaaaah!   Now listen.  You know my whole story about The Eating Disorder. (Caps required.)  For me, this COUGHblinditemCOUGH is oh, so, interesting because of just whom this person IS vs. whom she PRETENDS to be...

Related posts:

1. Today’s Blind Item – Puker Edition
2. Today’s Blind Item – He Turns Gay When He Drinks Edition
3. Today’s OBVIOUS Blind Item – Pancake Edition

I know. I'm sorry.

I know you're just ITCHING to see Paris Hilton's boobies, aren't you?  (Get your Valtrex out before even LOOKING at this photo, y'all...)  I mean, it is Friday night after all.  The lovely folks at CelebSlam.com are posting a weird picture of Paris just sitting on a yacht, looking straight at the camera...with boobies.  I suppose, if you'd like, you can take a look right HERE.

Don't people normally have to have jobs before they take vacations?  This dumbass is on a 24/7/365 holiday...and sometimes getting busted for weed, while she's at it.

Yeah.   I'm totally scraping the bottom of the barrel.  I apologize to most of you.  And I say "you're welcome" to maybe three of you.

Shrug.  It's all I've got right now.

Related posts:

1. Paris Hilton is a Complete Idiot at Sundance.
2. Paris Hilton is a Big Fat Liar
3. Paris Hilton is Still Playing Dress-Up…Awwwwwww!

"Say boys...what's up?"

George-bloody-Michael is at it again, y'all.  Seems he rammed his Range Rover into a 24/7 photo processing shop in London over the weekend.   Now all I can wonder is if he was dropping off some film or cd's for printing--and what/whom did said photos depict?

via: rttnews.com

"Police were called at approximately 3:30 AM on Sunday to reports of a vehicle in collision with a building. Officers attended and a man in his 40s was arrested on suspicion of being unfit to drive," a spokesperson for London's Metropolitan Police tells the newspaper.

"He was taken to a north London police station and later bailed to return on August 13 pending inquiries."

BOOM. Nicely done, George.

I feel George should probably hire a driver.  But wait.  Then he'd risk a book being written about him and all of his exploits...like we don't already know all about George's love of drugs (LOTS of weed) and anonymous sex.  In fact, I learned a new word last year due to George Michael's behavior:

via UrbanDictionary.com

Cottaging -the persuit of homosexual "Acts" of an anonymous nature in pubilc lavatories via a small and well crafted hole in the cubicle wall to ensure anonymity.

"Please excuse me a second Nathanial, I'm going to check out the cottaging facilities".

Huh.  All this time I just thought "cruising" was an all -inclusive phrase.  Apparently, I was incorrect.  Some fag-hag I am.  I do apologize!

ANYgay.  Let's take a look at George Michael's rap sheet, via MTV.com:

2006 - Authorities arrested Michael after the star was found slumped over in a car and blocking traffic in central London. The singer was detained on suspicion of possessing Class C drugs (Class C drugs include a range of substances, such as marijuana and painkillers) and then released on bail. Michael was involved in a similar incident just a few months later. Once again, the star was found knocked out in a vehicle and then crashed into a traffic divider when a fellow driver woke him.

2007 - Michael was barred from driving for two years after crashing into three parked vehicles and failing to notify the owners of the cars before driving away.

2008 - Even on foot, the star continued to run into trouble. The singer was arrested on drug-possession charges after an attendant caught Michael in a public restroom in London (a seemingly favored haunt for the troubled singer) with a "small amount" of marijuana and crack cocaine. Luckily for the star, Michael was not charged and was sent along with a cautionary warning.

2009 - In what appears to be an annual trend for the singer, Michael was arrested again after he crashed his Land Rover into a truck. The star was questioned and then released and later denied being inebriated in a statement: "Neither of us [the truck driver nor Michael] was charged because we were both stone cold sober." The star added, "I don't want my fans or my family worried by what they are reading all over again."

Oh, George. I still love you, but get it together, man!

Related posts:

1. George Michael…ForpitySAKE.
2. Tawny Kitaen Arrested Again for DUI
3. Song of the Day – Knew You Were Waiting (For Me) George Michael & Aretha Franklin

Bieber, looking down his nose.

I used to babysit a kid when I was 13, who would flip the eff OUT if his clothing got the slightest bit damp. I mean, he'd go ape-shit. Screaming, crying, flailing, the whole bit.  I had never seen such a thing, and had actually forgotten about it until today.

I give you--Justin Bieber, being sorta "Punk'd" on a New Zealand TV show:

Big. Fat. Sissy.  (And I mean that in the nicest way possible.)

Related posts:

1. Another Justin Bieber losing his voice post?
2. Awwww, jeez. Justin Bieber is on the cover of People Magazine.
3. Justin Bieber, Ryan Seacrest and Michael Jackson. Say no more.

"We're more perfect than you, by the way."

Yeah.   Right.

Remember how Gisele had the perfect pregnancy, the perfectly painless water birth for her son Ben, with Tom Brady, and then got back into her Victoria Secret fighting weight in like, 2 days?  Now she's got a kid who can barely crawl, who will sit on a potty and poop FOR THE ENVIRONMENT.

According to this translation from some Brazilian website (how's that for accreditation?) the Perfect Mother of the Perfect Baby had this to say about her little genius:

“Give it about five minutes, and bang,” gushes Gi, whose twin sis, Patricia, is called in to inspect the potty deposit.“Everytime she calls me to see it, I say, ‘Do not want to see it,’ ” said Tia Patricia .

Diapers pollute the environment,” she explained. “Where does this garbage go?”

Gi, who laughs at how much time she spends talking about her son’s toilet habits, said she does realize that getting Benjamin to pee in the potty “is more complicated.”

Ummm.  Durrrr.

So, who else is sick of this chick and her perfeição?

Related posts:

1. Big whoop, Gisele Bundchen is pregnant.
2. Let’s talk about Gisele and her “painless childbirth”, shall we?
3. Follow-up on NBC “racist” Black History Month Menu…

"Brittle Bone Disease is the new anorexia. I'm SO ahead of the curve." - Paltrow

So.  The blonde bitch who sets my hair on fire with utter revulsion seems to have a case of the brittle bone disease. Maybe it's that Maple Syrup diet and the 24/7 cleansing and that are making your bones collapse in on themselves, Paltrow.  Or maybe it's that you are the personification of smug pretentiousness.  (I'm not quite sure, so I'm calling Sally Field later in the day for a clear answer.)

Hey, remember Paltrow's self-important interview with Vogue magazine a couple months back? Let's revisit her blathering  for a moment, shall we?

"Oh yes, I can be mean. I can cave in to gossip. I can ice people out and I can definitely harbour revenge. In fact, I'm having a situation right now with a friend where I'm feeling pretty angry..."

Really? Paltrow?  "Icy and vengeful?" Jesus H.  Stating the obvious is clearly Paltrow's side-job.

I came across a fantastic quote from the gorgeous, naughty, world-traveling chef Anthony-effing-Bourdain with regard to The One Whom I Loathe:

Why, yes. I WOULD like a bite.

"Bourdain was quick to poke fun at Batali’s PBS series, ‘Spain… On the Road Again,’ which features the chef and Gwyneth Paltrow on a culinary tour of Spain – but he had a bone to pick with Batali’s A-list co-star. “Why would you go to Spain with the one bitch who refuses to eat ham?”

Snips.

Perfection.  Did any of you see that series?  I lasted about 10 minutes, all the while LITERALLY screaming at the TV.  I'm not a fan of Batali and his pompous, orange Croc-wearing fat ass.   So when I saw that these two priggish, self-satisfied a-holes were together, looking down their noses at every single viewer because, after all, we couldn't possibly understand the lovely nuances of "their Spain", I did myself a favor and turned the gotdamn TV off.  (Or changed the channel to something more appropriate for the great, unwashed masses.)

Hey, Paltrow? Drink a huge glass of milk with a lovely grilled cheese, you idiot.  For someone who "claims" to be so knowledgeable about health and nutrition and writes about this shit on her GOOP blog, this calls for the "define irony" quote.

Thanks, Annette.

Related posts:

1. Paltrow on the cover of Harper’s Bazaar. Someone hold my gold, Imma ’bout to cut a bitch.
2. I know why I’m crabby today. Two words: GWYNETH PALTROW.
3. I Loathe Paltrow, Part One Million.

That. Dress. Ugh. (Photo by Daniel Christian/FilmMagic)

I really don't care for those shoes, Miley.

Oh, did you know that Miley has a special fashion icon with whom she tries to emulate?  She does!

AND she wears a blonde wig on occasion!

L.A. hooker, Vivian Ward is responsible for Miley's new touring wardrobe.  Someone, anyone, introduce Mile to Vivienne Westwood, please?

On second thought, DON'T.  This is much more fun.

Related posts:

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3. Dumbass Jamie Foxx Apologizes to Miley Cyrus on "The Tonight Show"…Psshhh, whatever.

Oh, Lindsay.

You know, she's right.  Lindsay really does need Chanel stickers to cool-up her drunky ankle accessory.  The poor dear.

I did a little research for you, Linds.  Who knew Amazom.com sells CHANEL stickers for $4.99?

Are these Karl Lagerfeld approved?

The Scram is SCREAMING for Chanel.

Let's put on a telethon, you guys. Clearly, in order for Lindsay to get her shit together, she needs Chanel.  (Get in LINE, sister---who doesn't?)

Related posts:

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3. Hey, Lindsay Lohan? How’s your lawsuit against e*Trade going?

Photo by Tyler Shields

You remember Tyler Shields?  The photographer who "shot" Lindsay a couple of week ago with a gun and blood splatter?  This is Tyler's mock-up for Lindsay's film Inferno - the biopic of 70's pornstar, Linda Lovelace.

I can't find any real info whether this film has even been green-lit by a studio or not.  I wonder what's actually going to become of this movie, because Lord knows, I'm IN.

Related posts:

1. Lindsay Lohan Shot by Tyler Shields (video)
2. Lindsay Lohan’s dad thinks she’s the new Robert Downey, Jr.
3. Lindsay Lohan “lost” her passport in Cannes. Oh. Uh huh.

The Official Outfit for when you have "lost your passport". FYI.

Photo: TMZ.com/Ramey

Yep.  Lindsay posted 10% of the $100,000 bail (which is the law in the U.S.).  Could someone figure out that amount for me, because I can't do the math.  I'm serious.

So, Lindsay's supposed to show up to court on MONDAY at 8:30 a.m. so the Judge can set yet another bloody date for her probation violation.  Honestly.

I'm with Snippy on this one.

Shakin' my head.

Related posts:

1. Lindsay Lohan Has a Warrant for Her Arrest? $100,000 Bail-a-whaaa?
2. Lindsay Lohan Pregnant? Please let this be a vicious rumor–that I’m helping to spread, I guess.
3. Lindsay Lohan “lost” her passport in Cannes. Oh. Uh huh.