Bitter Tears, by Aniston

I can just hear the girlie-boy at the fragrance counter at Harrod's (read: Sephora in West Hollywood):

"Slurrrrp.  J'know.  The top note of this new fraaaagrance is Hawaiian Tropic and the bottom note is cigarette butts--in Cabo.  Shall I ring you up now?"

Sigh.  Honestly.  I've said it before, and I'll say it a-bloody-GAIN.  Just. Name. The Frangrance. BITTER TEARS. The flute along with the dance remix might just make a commercial sort of cool.  SORT OF. (Not really.)

I give you the glorious INXS:

via: The Independent

"Actress Jennifer Aniston's first fragrance, which launches July 21 at British department store Harrods, will simply be called Jennifer Aniston, not Lolavie as previously publicized.

Fans, who have been gearing up for the meet-and-greet with the star, could not be any more confused, after multiple names including Aniston, Lola Vie, or even Lovavie, were previously circulated, before Lolavie was communicated as the official name of the scent and printed on the campaign and flacon pictures.

There is no official word on the reasons for the change, but respected fragrance blog The Scented Salamander writes that "we can only speculate that the fragrance marketing teams decided the idea of the name was cute but would be constant fodder for psychoanalysts, bloggers and tabloids. In the UK, the latter are famously fierce. They would have probably gone digging in her trash bins to see if they could dig out a reasonable explanation for the name Lolavie."

Jen.  It's time to put on a shirt, mmkay?

Related posts:

1. Jennifer Aniston’s fragrance, “Lolavie” – (translated: Bitter Tears)
2. Jennifer Aniston has a fragrance – “Bitter Tears”
3. Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler at “The Bounty Hunter” premiere in NYC. Bleh.

Oh, Jen.

FINE. I'll show you the real "artwork"...

Again...Oh, Jen

Lolavie by Aniston

"Above is the first ad for Lolavie, Aniston’s first perfume, shot in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico earlier this year. Described as a ‘non-perfume perfume’, Aniston says the scent is “sexy and clean… floral, but not too flowery… I wanted it to smell natural."

Hmmmm.  This all sounds familiar.

SEINFELD EPISODE The Beach - Cologne invented by Cosmo Kramer (Michael Richards) after swimming with the Polar Bear Club on episode No. 31 "The Pez Dispenser" of the sitcom SEINFELD/NBC/1990-98. As Kramer said "You spray it on. It smells like you just came home from the beach.

Kramer - "The Beach" Frangrance

"On episode No. 51 "The Pick" Kramer confronts Calvin Klein (played by Nicholas Hormann) about perfume plagiarism when Calvin unveiled his own scent called "Ocean" soon after Kramer pitched a similar idea to one of Calvin's executives."

Someone needs to alert Jen.

Related posts:

1. Jennifer Aniston has a fragrance – “Bitter Tears”
2. Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler at “The Bounty Hunter” premiere in NYC. Bleh.
3. Jennifer Aniston and John Mayerrrrr…..yaaawwwwn.

Lovely.

The top note is last night's wine and the bottom note is cigarette butts ~ with just a trace of wedgies during desperate vacations in Mexico. Ahhhh. Guess who's working on her own fragrance? I like to think the name of Chiniston's fragrance is "Bitter Tears"...made from her own endless stream of pathetic wailing.

I understand "Bitter Tears" will be available only to overly-tanned, blond-ish 40-something chicks with boarding passes purchased on CheapAir.com to Cancun. In other words, it's quite exclusive.

Related posts:

1. Kim Kardashian has a fragrance called, um…Voluptuous by Kim Kardashian!
2. Jennifer Aniston embraces being The Lonely Girl…and it’s a good thing.
3. Jennifer Aniston and Sheryl Crow should just hook up and get it over with.

Just DO IT, already.

Oy.  Why doesn't it surprise me that Chiniston and Lance Armstrong-gave-her-the-Cancer-Sheryl Crow are buddies?  Those two couldn't find a decent man if their lives depended on it.  Now that I think about it, I'm shocked that Jen never hooked up with Lance. I wonder if this 3-some is like most chicks--when any two are together, they talk crap about the one who isn't present.  It's been that way since third grade, and it never stops.  Trust.  (Or, so I've heard.)

Check out these three chicks in their bikinis over the weekend in Mexico for Jen's 51st 41st birthday.  This looks like a still photograph right out of Courteney's show, Cougar Town, which I actually sat through last night--only because Modern Family sandwiched that trainwreck of a series--ABC, you sly foxes, you.  (Actually,  it wasn't as bad as I expected.  Everyone else was good.  Court was just playing "Monica" as a divorcee with an 18 year old kid, who was pretty damn funny.  The KID, not Courteney. Whatev. )

Where was Dough Boy Gerard Butler?  I'm not a fan of his, either.  Oh, and Sheryl?  Nice ciggie.

Related posts:

1. Jennifer Aniston makes me really crabby
2. Jennifer Aniston and John Mayerrrrr…..yaaawwwwn.
3. Jennifer Aniston embraces being The Lonely Girl…and it’s a good thing.