American Idol Recap: Everything’s Crazy in Texas and L.A.

You KNOW we're all gonna be rockin' the headscarf. Don't lie.

Photos via FOX

On Wednesday, the team hit Austin, Texas to find the next American Idol. Did they? Probably not, but that didn't stop the wannabes from showing up to audition.

At the beginning of the episode an "apology" was issued for Steven's behavior last week.  It was weird, unnecessary, and maybe it was just an excuse to show Steven cursing again. At this point, Tyler is my favorite judge.  Even though Randy has been there from the beginning,  he simply just doesn't seem to care anymore. There was also an appearance from JLo's hubby, Marc Anthony.   Meh.  So let's get to the auditions!

Darling Corey Levoy, who I'll probably forget about when Hollywood Week starts, came in with his "J.Lo Booty" and sang Bonnie Raitt's "I Can't Make You Love Me."  I wasn't prepared for all of the country songs, even though it is Texas. Then came little Hollie Cavanaugh all the way from Liverpool, England. Her rendition of "At Last" was odd and even after Randy said NO, they let her through anyways after she sang Miley Cyrus's "The Climb." Yeah, I'm sure she was really feeling the song, but I felt weird watching her struggle through her tears to finish it.

One of the few standouts from Austin was John Wayne Schulz. Yes, that's his real name, and yes, he's a cowboy. Oh, and apparently he almost got nominated for a Grammy when he was like 13. If the Idol producers can overlook that, well then so can we.  He's one of the few eye candy contestants we have, so let's hope he does well.

I don't know any grown women, let alone any 17-year old GIRLS who find Ryan Seacrest attractive, so I think someone paid Courtney Penry to show up and act a fool over him. Or maybe she promised some people she would be on her best behavior if they let her out for the day. After an embarrassing chicken impression, she sang Sugarland's "Stay" which actually wasn't that bad.  If only she wasn't crazy.

Now let me get these two out of the way. I've never gotten why people do double auditions, like the ex-couple from last week, and the two brothers that I'll get to later.  It's about you, not your corny, possibly fake, relationship. So, cut to  Jacqueline Dunford and her 19-year old "boyfriend" Nick Fink came in and made me glad I wasn't dating anyone. Okay, maybe they are really dating, because they might be the only two who could stand each other. Some guy (I didn't catch his name!) got through singing Soundgarden's "Rusty Cage." I'm sure DivaJulia would appreciate that.

Casey Abrhms

The last audition came from 19-year old Casey Abrams. I like it when they save the good ones for last because it doesn't make me feel like punching the TV. While talking to a cameraman, who informed him that he looks like (a) Fraggle Rock, I thought oh this is going to suck, but was pleasantly surprised. Definitely one to watch for too.

Thursday night's show in Los Angeles made me wonder about that title of "Entertainment Capitol of The World." Tim Halperin, who I just barely remember did a decent version of Maroon 5's "She Will Be Loved." I think he got through because of his flirting with Lopez.

Gutierrez Brothers

One standout was Karen Rodriguez who auditioned via MySpace and got the chance to travel to L.A. to sing for the judges. This was the second time Karen got to meet La Lopez, she previously sang for her on TRL. There was a belly dancer, for some reason, and the Gutierrez brothers. Both cute and obnoxious, but only one will survive. I think the older brother, Marc will be the one to make it to the Top 20. Aaron will be left to cry into one of his fabulous scarfs.

Now let's talk about the crazies. I think it's safe to say that anyone that carries around their own microphone is more than a little off. Tynisha Roches's tribute to Frank Sinatra probably made him do flips in his grave. I give props to her for letting her eyebrows go past her eye. Owwww!

Matt "Big Stats" Frankel tried to wow the judges with his nonexistent client list, which he claimed included Chaka Khan. The funniest thing was that Randy sort of believed him for a minute. I love delusional people, they're my favorite kind of crazy. The show ended with Cooper Robinson from Arkansas. He was a real person. That happened, and they kept letting it happen! The 59-year old "sang" some James Brown song, it could have been every James Brown song ever made for all I know. After he expressed his desire to take Universal Studios and talked about the long dangerous road to his house, he left and continued dancing outside the judges room. Oh America, I love you.

The L.A. auditions were incredibly disappointing. The San Francisco auditions next week look promising, but this is shaping up to be the blandest American Idol season ever. Then Hollywood Week starts.  Lives will be ruined, tears will be shed.  I can't wait!

Bonus: We got to see Jenny's "block" when she tried to make her escape from Cooper Robinson.

Girl still got it.