“True Blood” Weekly Lowdown: Everything Is Broken

After I learned that the events of the first two seasons, and this one, have happened in the time span of only a month or so, it made everything even more confusing.  The second season of True Blood dragged on for what seemed like an eternity. Didn't it feel like they were in Dallas forever? I can remember not being able to wait to see if Lafayette was dead or not. As slow as things seem at times, this show always has me coming back for me.

I'm going to get this out of the way because everything about Jason and, as she will now be known, CrystalMeth is so boring. Readers of the book series have told me that all of this will pick up and get better, the buildup is annoying though. Jason comes home to find Fenton questioning CrystalMeth about where's she's been. She lies and tells him that Jason kidnapped and raped her. A very odd theme for this episode. They knock him up and tie him to a tree out in the country. They plant V on him and then call the police. The next day they find out that one of the officers, Kevin, responded to their call and was severely beaten by Fenton. Now at this point you'd think CM would tell Jason what her and her family of inbred hicks are. I hate the way Jason is taking advantage of Andy, you're not a cop! Calvin, CM's dad, or for all we know he could be her uncle, comes to Merlotte's looking for her. Sam beats the crap out of him and Jesus and Lafayette take him to the hospital. Again, why not tell Jason what Calvin, and you, are? If something happens to Jesus and LaLa, so help me vampire god CrystalMeth!

I gave Tommy a chance but he has revealed himself to be a crazy freeloader just like his parents. After Terry calls to complain about the noise, Sam went over to his apartment to find him and some some chick having sex. He has also apparently been stealing tips from Arlene, who already has enough on her mind. She doesn't want to keep the baby she describes as a time bomb. The new waitress Holly tries to help her with her decision. Still no insight into if Holly is some kind of supernatural, she did somehow know that Arlene was pregnant. Holly talks about her rape at a group meeting that Tara attends. Even though we see her looking up something on the computer at Sam's, it kind of seemed like Tara sort of found her way there. Did Holly bring her there?

I really don't mind Bill and Sookie's love scenes, although I get how weird they are to watch because Anna and Stephen are together in real life. After showering together, they get ride of the bodies in Sookie's living room. "Normal couples don't do this Bill Compton." Well no, they don't. Sookie asks him about her file, which he says is all for him to help protect her. He could be lying. Looking through it herself, she gets a call from her cousin Hadley who wants to meet her at the aquarium. Hadley tells her she told Sophie Anne about her powers and wants to know if her son Hunter could be in danger as well.

Sookie talks to Hunter, telepathically, and that's all the answer Hadley needs. She leaves to take him to a safer place. Because he drank so much of her blood, Bill finds himself in Sookie's fairy dreamland. Seriously, what is this place? He tells Claudine that he's trying to protect Sookie, and asks her what he is. He does tell her, but we'll see her gap toothed reaction next episode.

I'm glad that Tara has found her strength again. She told Sam that she didn't want to go see a shrink, but the group meeting certainly helped. After the chaos in Merlotte's, Franklin returns and is obviously upset. Tara did bash his head in. I love the way they played this. I did, in a weird way, like Franklin but he was like an abusive boyfriend. Delusional and overprotective. Jason shoots him with the wooden bullets meant for Bill. I can't look at this as some heroic thing because Jason is the one that killed Eggs. In fact, if he hadn't, maybe Tara wouldn't have been kidnapped by Franklin in the first place.

Much of the episode dealt with the aftermath of Eric killing Talbot. Russell arriving home and scooping up Talbots remains was oddly funny. You just know Talbot would hate that mess being all over his carpet. At Fangtasia, Eric has to make a statement to the vampire Authority about what happened to the Magister. He talks about how he has been tracking Russell for centuries and how he wants to be the one to kill him. Pam and Eric share a really tender moment, Eric telling her that it's her time to become a maker. I want a pair of hot pink Uggs now. The Authority decides to rule that their investigation never happened, and that Eric can take care of Russell. On his own though, although he did ask for assistance. Another funny moment with Russell involved him talking to Talbot's remains, that he had put into a very nice urn, on top of a roof. While Nan is enjoying herself with a woman in the back of her limo (are all female vampires bisexual or lesbian?) Russell swoops in on a news broadcast an kills the anchor. Holding onto his spine for most of his rant. He waxes poetic about how vampires and humans are not equal, and that "we will eat you after we eat your children." Best moment of the entire series, "Now time for the weather. Tiffany!"

I loved Jesus and Lafayette spending the night together. Ruby Jean asking him about his afterglow and sporting one of his robes. We find out that Eric is a Virgo and that Hoyt really does love and miss Jessica. He's only with Summer because it "beats sitting around thinking about you." Aww, how dopey. Although we already know what Sookie is, she'll find out soon. Russell unleashed hell on national television, it's just a part of his grieving. There are only a couple of episodes left so you know shit will get very real in Bon Temps.

True Blood Weekly Lowdown: Night On The Sun

As I mentioned last week, True Blood's formula for this season is to gives us a lackluster episode then hit us over the head with episodes like Night On The Sun.  A lot went down last night, almost too much.

Sookie wakes up, screaming in terror at Bill. That track jacket was horrible. They talk, and come to the realization that they will never really be happy together. This scene felt a little too Twilight-y for me, and Bill's tears looked really fake...CGI fake, I should say.  Of course we know it's not really over between them.  Jason wants her to press charges against him, because you know, he's dumb. Tara wants her to finally be over him, comparing the way Bill looked when he was feeding on her to what she saw in Franklin. Tara doesn't want to talk anymore than Sookie does, but you'd think the fact that they both almost died for like the 100th time would bring them closer together. Alcide has to leave after hearing that his sister's salon has been burned down by Debbie and some of the other wolves. They embrace, and almost kiss, he promises to come back and visit her. Didn't it seem like he was kind of sniffing her when they hugged?

Sophia Anne and her entourage move into Russell's mansion, and Talbot is having none of that. We said goodbye to bitchy Talbot this episode, he was a good wife and homemaker. Russell meets with Debbie who wants revenge for her dear Cooter. Talbot interrupts and throws a hissy fit, almost destroying Eric's father's crown. He offers to keep Talbot company while Russell and Debbie are in Bon Temps. Company turns into more than just a game of chess, but more on that later. When Bill finally returns home and releases Jessica, much to her dismay. She's tired of being alone but Bill can't take care of her. Instead, he teaches her how to take care of herself. They had some great bonding moments, and it gave Bill a chance to be a good maker. Better than the one Lorena was to him. After all, Bill didn't want to turn or take care of her in the first place.

Sam's mom shows up at his house, in dog form. She promises to leave him and Tommy alone, not before asking for money. Merlotte's gets a new waitress, Holly. She somehow knows that Arlene is pregnant. Just what Arlene needs, another supernatural to deal with. Sam tells Tommy to watch after Tara, but not to flirt. See, that's his job. It would be nice to see Sam and Tara together, even though she still doesn't know his secret.  Hoyt comes in looking for Jessica and almost gets into a fight with Tommy. Does Tommy know that she's a vampire? I think it's interesting that he doesn't know how to be anything but a fight dog. That might come in handy later. Crystal's dad comes in looking for her, and let's Sam know that he's not scared of another shifter.  I'm still not liking Jason's storyline, or his infatuation with Crystal. She's a methhead! She comes to his house asking for his truck, sporting a serious black eye.  After they have sex, Jason leaves to find her fiance. He stumbles upon I don't know what, but also has a confrontation with Crystal's dad.

Once again, Alfre Woodard was perfectly cast as Lafayette's mother. I loved the way she called him LaLa. She may be crazy, but she also may be onto something. After breaking out of the hospital and threatening Jesus with a knife, she tells Lafayette that he's special and has powers. Jesus tells him Ruby Jean is right, and that someone like him shouldn't be a drug dealer. So what is he exactly? Hadley visits her cousin, delivering a message from Eric. Russell is coming for her and she shouldn't trust Bill. Reading her thoughts, Hadley apologizes for telling the vampires about Sookie's powers. Sookie is armed and ready of course, waiting by her bedroom window with a shotgun. The fight between Sookie and Debbie was pretty badass, but she should have just shot her. Bill and Jessica show up to help fight off the other wolves, but Jessica is captured by Russell after running outside. I thought Jess was done for after being chased into the woods, but Bill taught her well. Just as he's about to spur Bill to death, he lets out a scream and leaves. Eric has killed Talbot, but not before making out with him and getting buck naked on the floor.  Just normal vampire killing procedure.

Best line of the night, "Are your diamond slippers chaffing?"  Oh, Talbot, you will be missed. There was a lot about dreams last night. Sookie reliving what Bill did to her. Tara dreaming about Franklin. Arlene dreams about Rene, the real father of her child. "I'm in his blood boo." Ugh, so creepy, yet so sexy. I still think it's funny that the one character who had a real (sounding) Louisiana accent was actually faking it.

The rest of the season promises more blood and sex.  That's all I ask for.