This is an age-old problem for a lot of women, I think. I simply cannot say "thank you" and MEAN IT. Mostly, I just can't say it. It's always, "Ugh. I look gross--can't you see that?" or "It's nothing. Just some crap I wrote...anyone can do it". Stuff like that. I always assume people are thinking the worst about me. I really don't think the worst about other people. I try not to, anyway. (Okay, depending on who it IS, I don't think the worst! Just don't ask me about Miley Cyrus again!)
I'm struggling with the voice I hear in my head. You know, ED. (Eating Disorder for you new readers.) No matter how good I feel, no matter how much I realize I'm healthy--FINALLY--I'm not "cured". ED still tells me I'm a cow. That I eat WAY too much and need to knock it the eff OFF or I'm gonna be SORRY. He tells me none of my clothes fit--and he's right. They don't. I wear sweats all the time now. I feel badly that I don't have the courage to dress the way I used to. Or laugh the way I used to. Something's gone, and I don't know what it is yet.
I will say this...thank you...for giving me a place to write stuff like this. Even when it's not funny. There. I said it: Thank you.
Written by: Diva Julia